Thursday 23^rd dec – Nelson.

Today was sunny, nice.

After email time I decided that today was officially ‘day of the big feed’…after dreaming of chocolate muffins and porrage and honey, I thought it was probably time to splurge on something to fill my shrinking tummy…..

so I returned to hostel and had 8 ryvitas with promite and avo, with my customary carrot….”hmm not really doing it for me”, I thought, so I added an apple, an orange and a pint of full cream milk….”hmm still not satisfying that niggle….”

so I went a brought a 250g bar of Whittakers fruit and nut chocolate, and lay by the river, in the sun, listening to my ipod and ate the whole thing…and it was goooood!

I lay there basking, sleepy and satisfied…..finally….

I also purchased some ‘Boost’ multivitamin tablets to put in my water everyday to…well…..boost me, hopefully….

After my wonderfully naughty and luxurious afternoon, I pottered back to the hostel and, after chatting with my American room mate (whos name I still cant remember, and has gone way past the point where I can ask her now…eek!) I went for run. Its amazing how much food actually enhances your sporting performance isn’t it….chocolate was like rocket fuel! I ran the whole way there and back, with some leapy jumpy bits in the middle…. was great.

so now I feel revitalised once again, and am a lot happier…. thought I may pass out last night….

Xmas eve tomorrow, not too sure what im doing apart from the usual run and email sesh. Think there is a carrol thing on in the square tomorrow night so might head to that…we shall see….

Feeling a lot more settled but still super excited to get back to Aus and start my course….

tired now beddy byes….

oh I also wrote 5 poems today, and did some drawing…now considering writing my book….eek!

x

Wednesday 22^nd dec – Nelson.

Today I am so tired I can barely type.

Was sunny today thank the lord, but pretty windy.

Walked to library, did emails, then walked to the beach. A 1 hour walk there, 30min walk on the beach, and a 1 hour walk back…then I went for a 45min run….now I must sleep before I collapse….

That is all.

x

ps. 4 days to go! mini woop……

Tuesday 21^st Dec – Nelson.

Today something changed.

I was still for the first time ever.

I awoke after another brilliant dream that was filled with symbolism and messages that I am sure I am supposed to reading into….

I did my usual peek around the curtain to find, once again, because the weather hates to dissapoint, it was bucketing down, this time with increasingly harsh winds to boot.

But I didn’t really think anything, I just kind of accepted it.

I lay in bed for another 20mins before getting up and enjoying my labouriously lovely shower….

I then dressed and headed out to the library in my daily uniform of yellow waterproof coat and backpack, with cover.

I strolled along to the river to the library, enjoying my walk in the rain, at peace for once.

I checked my email to find that Rebeccas travel plans have been slightly scuppered by said bad weather, and she now doesn’t know if she will be here for xmas at all!

I was a little upset but then thought “oh well its just another day I guess”.

Im really getting used to this ‘on my own’ thing. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to make a life of it or anything, but maybe because I know I am leaving soon, I have finally relaxed and am enjoying some solitude.

After email time, I headed back to hostel to have my 4Ryvitas, avo and promite with the customary half a raw carrot. I then read for an hour and then went running. And low and behold as I rounded the first corner, out came the sun!

I did a few skips of joy before powering out to the Noisettes funky pop rhythm…. Upon my return, i decided that if I am going to be trapped here for xmas, then I should probably try and talk with someone.

So I said ‘hi’ and ended up chatting to Rebecca, one of the younger more smiley German girls. She is very sweet, and I apologised for my anti socialness, but explained that I had been having a bit of a hard time the past few days. She said it was fine and everyone takes a while to relax…..how ironic!

German Rebecca and her friend Lena are both here for xmas, so at least I have 2 people to talk to. Also an American girl called Sam just arrived, she is 30 and lovely, really chatty, and we ended up talking for a while about the bullshit of visas. We agreed that the Australian government haven’t a clue what they are doing by stopping hairdressers and chefs coming into the country as all they will accomplish is another shortage, and in 3 years they will be begging for us to come back, so I will be ready and waiting for that day! haha…

She is only here for 1 night, which is a shame, but the german girls will do for xmas entertainment… im planning on getting them drunk for added fun!…hehe…

So at 5pm I pottered into town to head for my 5.45pm yoga class….once again total bliss… I am officially in love with Yin Yoga and am planning on attempting to tweak my class to this way of teaching…

so there you have it, did a tad of shopping on the way home and treated myself to an apple and pint of full cream milk…yummy…gotta keep my bones strong now… and that’s it.

A much more peaceful day I think you will agree. Now I am so tired I am just going to get ready for bed and settle down with my book for a big sleep.

nighty night.

x

ps… this time next week ill be in Melbourne! woohoo!

Monday 20^th Dec - Nelson.

Another grey and gloomy day im affraid.

I am, however beginning to get used to this live of a recluse.

I have perfected the art of daydreaming, and can now follow out a fantasy for at least an hour, imagining possible outcomes and conversations along the way. Altho, I do have to be careful as I tend to get carried away, and find myself practicing a well rehearsed argument in the middle of the supermarket, much to the dismay of the Nelson locals.

So today I woke at 9am. Im not sure if it is the nest like bed that I am currently cotted in, or maybe it is the lengthy days spent trapped within the chambers of my own mind, but I am having some of the best nights sleep ever….

I am usually in bed by 9.30/10ish, and wake up refreshed and rested at around 9am. That’s about 11 hours sleep a night! no wander…..

So anyway, I woke at 9am and crossed my fingers and toes as I sheepishly peeked around the corner of the curtain, preying for blue skies….no such luck. It had rained all night and was threatening the same for the day to come. Bugger.

“Oh well” I thought “at least I have the most practical wet weather gear ever, at the moment, and a chance to use it!”

I lay in bed for an hour and read my book, which I am becoming more and more engrossed in as the days go by…..following the tale of Michelangelo as he takes his first tentative steps into marble carving, and the debaucherous life of the Medici…..wonderful.

I then got up and headed for the shower once all the germans had had their go. Sounds silly but i am also really enjoying small pleasures such as showering, standing with my eyes closed under the stream of water as it washes away the dreamy tales of the night. This is usually when I remember my dreams.

Tho I have to say I winced slightly at the sight of my ‘much skinner than usual’ body in the mirror as I towelled off…..cant wait for a good feed, when I next have money….

After drying and dressing I then packed my backpack with the essentials: laptop, charger, notebook, reading book, and bottle of water.

Once again I am starting to enjoy the pleasures of a good hardy back pack too…..i wouldn’t be seen dead with one strapped to my back before heading to Australia, but since becoming a slave to the bycicle and also the temperamental downpours of a winter in Byron, my mouldy green Eastpak has become a firm friend….i have even taken a few comical holiday snaps of me and ‘the bag’, as my replacement other half…..

So I made my daily trek to the library, took up my usual spot and started typing.

Printed off my visa for the trip back to Oz and also my enrolment form, and info pack for the course and headed back out into the greyness of Nelson.

I wandered round for a bit and then pottered back to the hostel.

Had my daily 4 ryvitas, added a cheeky extra 1 after the mirror shock this morning, with promite, avocado, a small tin of tuna and half a raw carrot. I then lay on the sofa in the common room and read for an hour, before donning my purple leggings, trusty bikram yoga bra top and vest, trainers and ipod and headed out for a run.

I ran along the river, up to the marina, along the side and along the front, on a path that I had guessed would take one to the beach, but to no avail. I was mid flow, singing at the top of my lungs, and in the middle of a brief power sprint when the path ended rather abruptly.

“oh, ok, ill stop then shall i?...”

so I sat on the rocks and had another good think. Bad ones came up this time tho, and I had to stop them short before they took over my entire head…naughty nasty thoughts…. I then ran back to the hostel.

My favourite bit of my run is as you head along the side of the marina, there must be a nest of seagulls somewhere near by, as the mummies and daddies seem to have decided to dive bomb any passing poor unsuspecting person, or car. It has happened everyday now and adds a bit of computer game style, ducking and dodging as I leg it past doing my best evil laugh and shouting “better luck next time birdies…hehe”…

My total run was about 30mins

“ah im getting better” I thought. Must be because im smoking less…..

Back at the hostel, all was quiet, so I headed for my second shower of the day, another chance to enjoy the watery bliss, with my sweet smelling soap…

So once again I dried and dressed and headed back out for a walk. I was supposed to be going to a pottery class tonight but turns out its not on over xmas…typical. so I took leasurely walk back thru town and back.

wow I just managed to make the most boring day fill at least 2 pages, im good.

if you are still reading, “well done you” if not, “ I don’t blame you…”

have had to book in here until Thursday night, but now have the annoying decision of taking the risk of checking out on Friday 24^th, and hoping something else will turn up, or booking in over xmas….i may actually kill myself if I have to spend xmas day in a backpackers… the reception guy said “don’t worry we are having a big party!”

oh great, a party with people that don’t ever speak to me even tho I have seen them in their underwear for the past 4 days! what fun…..

Cant wait until im not quite so winging and miserable!....... im sure you cant either….

x

Sunday 19^th Dec – Nelson.

A wise man once said to me:

“find 1 thing to smile about everyday, and everything will be ok…”

I am finding this increasingly difficult to stand by at the moment.

It rained all day today again…..

After a wonderful night sleep, filled with weird and wonderful dreams, I awoke to ‘the others’ zipping and unzipping their bags (a noise that haunts you daily in a backpackers residence, and becomes increasingly annoying) so I grunted loudly and rolled over. I inched back the red and cream striped canvas curtain, to see a dark grey sky once again, pissing down on everyone in Nelson.

“whats the point?” I thought to myself, as I buried my head in my pillow and grappled around for Unyun, my one stuffed saviour amongst all the trauma….

I eventually dragged myself from bed at around 11am, lazily showered and then, what?......what is there to do on a day like today, when you have no money and no mates to play with…nothing…..

yes, dear readers I was in one of THOSE moods, I think my mother used to refer to them as “a tiz”.

So I dressed, and pottered into the living area with my book, flounced down on the sofa amongst the other 13 nomads, with each of their equally thrilling tomes and tried to read…..

Now, “why don’t you try and make friends?” I hear you cry… this is why…

I have always hated the idea of a backpackers because I was convinced they were full of horny travellers, high on life and cheap narcotics, desperate for the next thrill, drinking away the evenings like debaucherous vikings, and waking up in each others beds…….these guys are no where near this…infact, a bit of barbaric hooliganism wouldn’t go amis right now.

They are silent, SILENT germans…. they all sit around reading like they are on a London tube train…god help you if you catch someone’s eye, they look away immediately in fear of being turned to stone…

One of the said Germans is in the bunk above me, that’s about 2 feet away from my head and I don’t even know her name….i know her breathing patterns when she sleeps but no, no name….

The only person who I have had brief conversation with is the Italian guy who spent the entire evening staring at my legs last night as I tried to watch Amelie. This morning he cornered me as I tried to eat my 4 Ryvitas, Promite and avocado in peace….he plonked down next to me and asked me how long im staying for….im being a bit mean because im in a bad mood, but its so obvious he is just trying to get in mine and anyone’s pants!!

So after our brief encounter I donned my bright yellow sailor coat and brand new waterproof bag cover, and sprinted out of the door an hour before I needed to.

I walked along the engorged river that was threatening to burst its banks, and along to the library. I stood outside undercover and read my book for 45mins until it opened then headed in to email.

The most horrific thing happened…..

Ollie had said to me the other day

“ok well if you are doing this course you should double check that hairdressing is still on the skilled worker list, as I heard a rumour its bin taken off”

“nonsesnce and poppycock!” said I, confident in my research skills.

Low and behold, for once in his life, he is right!

Damn, blast and a million other obscenities that blurted from my pretty English mouth in the middle of a public library, along with a torent of hot, angry, homesick tears.

I cant believe it. For the first time in my life I had made myself a sensible plan that potentially could last the next 5 years, and would mean getting into Australia all by myself, no marriage needed…and now that’s all gone to balls!

im so gutted.

After about 2 hours of tears, I stopped.

“There is actually nothing I can do now. This isn’t up to me.”

I still really want to do the course and that would give me another 2 years in Oz….anything can happen in 2years and if it doesn’t and I cant stay, well theres nothing else I can do.

So after the rest of the day walking around in the rain, my plan B is as follows:

study the 2 years hairdressing course in Oz and enjoy it.

after 2 years if there is still no way to stay, I will return to the UK and try and get a job in a salon, and a flat in Bath.

This way I can see my sister and mummy more, I can go to London for weekends if I want, and maybe have holidays to Byron. Oh, and I can get a dog.

So not all bad I guess.

Ill just leave it up to the universe now…..

The days here are dragging so much. Im trying so hard to be positive but its so difficult.

Oh, I guess I did do possibly the best yoga class of my life this afternoon tho. I didn’t want to leave at the end, as I knew I had to come back here, and its fully booked which means no room to swing a cat, or backpacker, or horny Italian man……

x

Sunday 19^th dec - Nelson.

This is the dream I had last night, I think it may have been brought on my my liquorice binge……

Floss (my old dog) had died in some sort of accident & was all cut up, a man had wrapped a carrier bag around her body and thrown her in a dumpster. I was so angry so I went to rescue her, to bury her.

I put her body in the back of my old purple KA car, my old black Rudge bike was in there too. Daddy was driving and I was in the passenger seat.

We tried to drive up a very steep hill, but because we had to stop briefly, the car started rolling backwards, gathering speed. We tried, brakes and handbrake but it did nothing.

In slow motion, we rolled backwards off the bank into the river that was filled with green pond weed. Dad got out straight away but it took me a little longer and I had to swim out of the window. It wasn’t that deep so we pushed the car out and back onto land. When I opened the boot, Floss was alive. Very weak and in a bit of a mess but she was looking at me and blinking.

Then I was sitting on the street by this restaurant we used to go to, back home, called The Armoury. I was looking for something in my bag, when this family walked past. They had a young daughter, about 6 years old, and she was mumbling, giving a sort of commentary. I recognised her as the girl Koko and I had talked about in real life, who could contact spirits.

I knew who she was and tried to hear what she was saying. Then she looked at me and stopped. She said that I had a path of blue spots leading towards me, and said that I was haunted by the spirit of sudden loss. She performed a small ceremony on me, where she dotted me with honey on my head and shoulders, as she said it would keep me safe.

Then I was in the backpackers in Nelson and I was just waking up (still in the dream) and I had a pet gold fish who kept jumping out of the bowl. I could see it floating around the room, like it was swimming but in the air. It was gasping/dying for water. I shouted because no one would help. I caught it and it looked at me and nodded, like it understood that I was trying to save it, but my legs wouldn’t move fast enough as I tried to get to the sink. I kept screaming at the fish to hang on, but it couldn’t and it died. I couldn’t stop crying.

Daddy was in my dream a lot last night. He was angry at me because I told mum the car crash story with the river, but she just laughed.

???

x

Saturday 18^th December – Nelson.

Feeling sad again today.

Don’t know why, this morning I managed to book a bus to Christchurch, a night at the YHA Christchurch, a flight to Melbourne, and organise a tourist visa for Australia all within an hour….this means I am going home!

I should be ecstatic as this is what I wanted, but somehow its not so fun when theres no one to celebrate with….. after all the bookings were complete, I looked around for someone to high five with, as I usually do when I have booked a holiday/trip/online purchase, only to find the loved up Italian couple next to me simply staring into each others eyes….oh god…

and now I desperately want to go and have a celebratory florescent cocktail, in a hip and funky down town bar…..no such luck as im on such a tight budget, but I did splash out on my other favourite indulgence, a bag of liquorice and a carton of milk, and sat by the river taking silly pictures of myself and the ducks… oh well.

Never the less, I am pleased I can go back, and on the 28^th too, so only another 9 days here.

I am enjoying Nelson as a holiday destination but I am so glad im not having to live here. Im not even sure why either, its perfectly nice, theres just something about it that reminds me so much of my home town, Shrewsbury…and that’s not a bad thing, its just that that is what I have spent a long time trying to get out of….

Spoke to Ollie earlier and told him of my ‘new plans’. He said that he thinks I should have given it a bit more of a try, but he knows how I hard I find it being on my own…. I was a little bit pissed off at this, but at the same time I know he is right… hes always right when it comes to matters of my frail heart, he knows me so well…damn it.

Was lovely to speak to him, tho what he is doing right now is polar opposite of my situation, its quite funny. He is on a 3 week cruise around New Zealand with his entire family. He said “I thought it was going to be classy, but its like bloody floating Butlins!”….. made me smile, and miss him.

I have moved to a new backpackers today, one that is over the bridge and a little more out of town…. it is a lot quieter and more ‘family run’, so a little more character than the good ol sterility of the YHA…. it is a nice walk into town, and to get to the library (the trek I make daily to check emails) you have to walk along the river so that’s very pretty.

I am now in a 6 bed mixed dorm. It is quite nice actually, I have one of the bottom bunks next to the window that looks out to the washing lines and the picturesque backdrop of the rolling mountains.

I am nervously awaiting the imminent arrival of Rebecca. I am slightly worried that I may leap on her the minute I see her, and talk incesently at her for the first 2 hours, before maybe, just maybe, letting her breathe, and then, possibly, get a word in edge ways…..we shall see…

Another big, but lonely, “Hoorah!” today, was that I spoke to mumsy about the hairdressing course and she has agreed to lend me enourmous amounts of cash to do it! I have, of course, promised to pay it back once I am styling Johnny Depps beard….

So tomorrow I am going to print out the enrolment form and all the blurby wafty stuff to read thur several more times, before signing my life away and posting it to Brisbane…. probably once I get to Melbourne…

im so so excited!

Not too sure how Ollie took the news that I am returning, but I assured him that I am coming back to concentrate on my training, therefore I will not be at his door begging for a bed… I think he, along with all of the people I have spoke to/emailed about this situation, just want me to be happy, I need to learn that one….

That’s about all for today. Was going to go to Bikram at 4pm but ended up lying in the grounds of the Cathedral in the sun, reading, and then came the liquorice pangs…and then it was game over…. going to go for an evening run in a bit tho. Liquorice always seems to give me a great energy boost to run on, bit like rocket fuel, plus I like to think im burning some of it off!

So there you have it, Saturday night, a week before Christmas and what am I doing tonight? going for a run and then to bed with a good book….MY GOD how old am i?...seriously, i constantly wonder why I am not a mother yet, id be bloody brilliant….

x

p.s. Post run update:

word of advice, do not eat a whole bag of traditional Australian soft eating liquorice, washed down with a pint of milk and then go for a 45 minute run….i think im dying…….