Thursday 16^th December – Nelson.

Today it rained.

Not that good ol tropical down pour that really lets you know its raining, but that grey, drizzly English rain. Not quite enough to warrant a jacket, but enough to give your fringe that sexy drowned rat look, and soak you to your pants by the time you get home.

It rained all day.

Last night 3 new arrivals rattled thru my dorm door with backpacks bulging, only to find me curled up in bed typing away furiously. Sam was first to come in. She is lovely, I think she’s about 20, from Kent, England and reminds me so much of my old ex boyfriends sister…all chirpy and posh. So cute, I haven’t heard that proper English accent for so long.

She thinks its “way cool” that I live in Byron and nearly wet herself when I told her we don’t wear shoes there…..”oh how fun!”

Next to enter was a lady whos name I didn’t quite catch. But she too is lovely. A little older, possibly mid fifties, & from somewhere near Yorkshire, England. Again another friendly accent I hadn’t heard in a while that somehow makes me relax.

The last of our trio was a Japanese lady who lives now in Aukland. Right in the city, “the sticky part” as she referred to it. She is very quiet, but impressed us all when, at 11pm, the annoying Canadian girl, outside shrieking at her equally annoying best friend down the phone, was rudely interrupted by our dear friend leaning out of the window to tell her very sweetly to “shut up!”…..

So today I spent the most pro active 3 hours of my life trawling the internet looking for my answer to that question that plays on my mind on a daily basis: “what is it I want?”

I don’t want to stay here and just get a bloody job in some seedy stinking bar. Im sick of jobs like that, I want to train in something that I am bloody good at and then be the best at it, and have people running around for me, cleaning up and making tea instead of me being the god dam gopher all the time….aaaarrrgh!

THIS is what I want and this is why I cannot stay here.

Its funny how, realising you are in totally the wrong country, gives you that much needed kick up the arse to look at your life.

And so I found it.

Im not sure how this had slipped past my beady little eyes, but I have been looking for the appropriate hairdressing course to do back in Aus that is a combination of, the right style of course to suit a student visa, the right course for me, an isn’t miles away from Byron…. So far I have been stumped at one of these hairy hurdles every time, but today I Googled: “Hairdressing courses Australia” one more time. And there it was, “Certificate 3 Hairdressing plus Salon Management”, a 7month full time course, with 6 weeks holiday, at either Brisbane campus, or Gold Coast…….

I nearly leapt out of my well worn YHA arm chair…..i devoured the entire contents of the website before cross checking it with the visa requirements, whilst at the same time emailing dear mummy with all the information and a generous dose of excitement……

My good friend Koko had said to me many times before I left Byron “if you want to get your residency, it would be so much more powerful for you to have done it by yourself, instead of relying on a bloke to marry you in….”

I had always listened, and had sort of made brief steps towards finding the right course but it seems this forced isolation, and being torn away from my home, has really given me that drive to get my visa and residency. And for the first time I am excited. I really want to go back to school and brush up (no pun intended) my hairdressing to a really good standard, then I can do the ‘hair and make up for film’ course……my god, I actually have a career plan, for once in my life I will have something I can build a future on and make money from.

I now have to write 100 word essay on why I should be awarded the $1500 scholarship…might as well try, I do have a whimsical way with words after all……

once I had finished and sent my lengthy email to mum, I packed away my dear topple for a much needed rest, and headed out.

If all goes to plan I will be enrolling on the hair course for March 2011 so I figured I could stay here until end of Jan/Feb time…..so I should probably find a job or something…..

I started by hitting the 2 nicest backpackers in town to see if there was any chance I could clean for them, in return for accomadation, as I figured a free bed is a good place to start. But no luck, got my name down in a few places but it seems all the sneaky Japanese have snatched up the rubber gloves in most paces including our hostel…..buggers.

I then went to see a friend of a friend of mines called Galen. He was so sweet but completely useless with any kind of help or info, sadly.

I also asked in a couple of bars but was greeted with that familiar look that I remember from Byron of “are you kidding me”…so I left.

I did however find a much nicer backpackers than the one I am in that is a little more out of town, still walking distance but has a beautiful view of the mountains and no traffic hurtling past the window, a big plus for me.

Also its cheaper than here tho it means I will be sharing a room with 5 others instead of 3 but, hey, whats another 2 people seeing you in your pants I say….

so I may check in there on Saturday when I am booted out of here, to await the arrival of Rebecca on Monday. I want to see what her plans are, how long she is going to be here etc…. I think I may move on from here after xmas or new years, I figure I might as well try and see some of NZ if im going to be leaving soon….. so I might try and do the Abel Tasman walk (apparently I can do it for $50 which is good), and maybe make it to Wellington for a couple of days before flying back.

I say all this tho I am on a very strict budget now.

My diet is now as follows:

4 ryvitas, with 1 small slice feta cheese, 5 slices of cucumber and a mini tin of tuna per day.

I have calculated that I can make this last an entire week and costs about $9 for the lot, plus I can throw the odd avocado in as a treat. This way I can spend my money on other things, granted I may faint doing them, but it’s really the only fathomable way.

I laugh typing this, but its actually making me very sad. Im hungry and lonely…

I guess people will laugh at me for coming back so soon, even if it is in a month or so, but I don’t really care, this really isn’t the right time for me to be doing this. Its too much pressure on top of everything else I have dealt with this year….. I have never travelled alone and I don’t think I ever will again.

A friend of mine emailed me today, she is a big traveller but said

“Sal you do make mistakes sometimes, ive bin to some awesum places, but ive also been to places and the minute I get off the plane im like ‘oh shit, ive made a mistake’, and that’s fine, at least you made the step to get off your ass and go and have a look. Some places you just don’t click with, and others you do, like Australia did for you.”

She also said she spent 3months in Chicago, and the first 2 weeks she wandered around crying and lost, then followed her gut and jumped on a plane to Hawaii and loved it!

This made me feel a bit better.

I have realised a few things being here, and one of them is that I dont so much have a hatred/fear of being on my own, (which is what I, and a lot of other people used to think of me…) Its more that I get such a kick out of sharing an experience with someone, anyone. What does it matter if you laugh and theres no one there to laugh with you……or if you see something amazing, whats the point if its just a memory in only your little head, why not share it with someone and be able to talk about it for years to come.

That’s why I write this stupid blog, I guess, to try and share it with you guys….not sure if you are still reading, maybe ive bored you to suicide by now but just writing it helps……helps get it out of my tiny monkey mind.

So I think that’s it. oh, I also went to a good art exhibition this afternoon in order to escape the rain, and it was only $3 to get in, bargain! some of it was average but my favourite thing was what looked like a black plastic bin liner full of rubbish carved from Basalt….amazing. I told them so in the visitors book as I left.

I also treated myself to a nice bar of soap from Lush, the natural soap making place. I picked porridge oats and molasses flavour, I want to eat it, it smells so delicious. Bit naughty as it was $12 but its so yummy, and I do smell!

Im dying to go to the theatre, or movies but think its too pricey and want to save some pennies to maybe go for dinner when Rebs arrives.

So that’s it, I went to yoga at 4pm which was nice and now im sitting on my bed listening to rain and the sound of my rumbly tummy, missing you all, but at least I have a slight tinge of hope now.

x